I think my vagina is haunted
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want nice things and good sex
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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