She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
