Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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