dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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