i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
