I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
