my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
