The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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