my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
