I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize