I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
