he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My vagina is officially offended.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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