Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
