Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
