is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
