Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
