That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
