So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
