I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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