If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
