I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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