dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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