I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
