You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
