The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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