I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How does one acquire holy water?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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