Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
