Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
