mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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