can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
