i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
