made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
