If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
