Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
