You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize