My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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