Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
