I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
