u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
