Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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