so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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