: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
