I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
