this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
