Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
