my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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