She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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