I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
