Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
