you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
farters have to be the big spoon...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
