Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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