how can u be prego again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
