careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
