How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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