so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
