i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
