I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I lost the right to judge tonight
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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