The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
