the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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