So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize