My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
