just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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