Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
