Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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