I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
