I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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