Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
