I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize