Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need to calm my uterus...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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