sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
