If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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