He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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