god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
