it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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