A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
