Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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