That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
