she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
