Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i came on her dog
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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