He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
