god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
