I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
