Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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