good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
