great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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