she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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