i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
