Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
