She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
