so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
