He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
