NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
