i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
