I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
