4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
