i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
