so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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