oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize