Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
