Im at strip club and am horny
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
