Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
