i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My vagina just recognized that song.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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