The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
