Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize