Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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