i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
