waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
