I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
