If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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