4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
