I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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