I think im going to throw up on grandma
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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