i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
