it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
